Navigating Birth Trauma Together: A Partner’s Perspective
Birth trauma is a topic that often centers on the birthing person, and rightfully so, given the intense physical and emotional journey they undertake. However, it's crucial to acknowledge that birth trauma can profoundly affect the birthing person's partner as well. In this blog post, we'll delve into the concept of birth trauma from the perspective of the partner, highlighting the uniqueness of each individual's experience. To illustrate this, I'll share a personal story of how my husband and I embarked on a journey toward our dream home birth, only to face unforeseen challenges and the lasting impact of birth trauma.
Understanding Birth Trauma
Birth trauma is a complex and deeply personal experience, with its effects varying greatly from person to person. Although the birthing person usually bears the brunt of this experience, their partner can also be deeply affected by the events surrounding childbirth. (Birth trauma can also be experienced by any other individual in the room that is a witness) The intensity of trauma isn't solely determined by the situation itself, but rather by how it's perceived and processed by those experiencing it. During my pregnancy, my husband and I spent months engaging in heartfelt conversations. We discussed our dream home birth extensively with our midwife team, our children, and our family. While we were flexible with our birth preferences, we anticipated a beautiful, empowering home birth experience. Our excitement grew as we prepared for this unique journey together.
However, during the last few months of my pregnancy, unexpected challenges arose, casting a shadow over our dream birth. Our baby turned breech and then transverse, which raised concerns about a safe home birth. We underwent an External Cephalic Version (ECV) procedure, hoping to encourage the baby into the correct position. Additionally, I was categorized as "high risk" for a potential C-section, which added to our stress and anxiety. As if these challenges weren't enough, we experienced a form of trauma that is often overlooked: obstetric violence. The labour process became fraught with interventions and decisions that left us feeling violated, disempowered, and traumatized. Our initial vision of a serene home birth dissolved into a complex, emotionally charged reality.
Through this journey, I witnessed firsthand how my husband, who had stood as my unwavering support, was deeply impacted by the traumatic birth experience. He carried the weight of helplessness as he watched me endure pain and uncertainty. His fear for my well-being and our baby's health was palpable. His own dreams of an empowering birth experience were shattered, leaving him with emotional scars.
I will never forget sitting in the hospital bed, my midwife standing beside me both staring at my husband who was standing by the window on his phone. We (the three of us) had just had a conversation and I had decided to be induced which resulted in not getting my dream home birth. My husband was on the phone with our oldest daughter, who for months had been a part of planning our dream home birth, and was planning on catching her baby sister. I can hear my husband crying, telling our daughter that we won’t be coming home to have the baby, that we have to stay at the hospital and because of covid she wasn’t allowed to come. My heart breaks every time I think about this moment.
Sometimes, we don’t realize how invested our birthing team can be, my midwives were with us every step of the way and during that conversation between my husband and daughter both me and my midwife were crying listening to my husband as all our hopes and dreams slipped away for this birth.
Supporting Partners Through Birth Trauma
Recognizing that birth trauma can affect both the birthing person and their partner is crucial. Here are ways as a doula to support partners who have experienced birth trauma:
Open Communication: Encourage partners to express their feelings and experiences without judgment. Active listening can be profoundly healing.
Encourage Seeking Professional Help: In cases of severe or persistent trauma, consider seeking therapy or counseling as a couple and/or individually. Professional support can aid in processing emotions and coping strategies.
Validation: Reassure partners that their feelings are valid, even if they differ from the birthing person's experiences. Trauma is a deeply personal journey, and there is no one-size-fits-all response.
Encourage Self-Care: Partners should prioritize their well-being, both physically and emotionally. Encourage them to engage in self-care activities that promote healing.
Birth trauma touches not only the birthing person but also their partner. Understanding that each person's experience is unique is essential in providing the necessary support and validation for those who have witnessed the intensity of childbirth. By acknowledging and addressing birth trauma from a partner's perspective, we can work towards healing and recovery for all individuals involved in the birthing process. The echoes of past trauma can reverberate into subsequent birth experiences, emphasizing the importance of sensitivity and support throughout this journey.